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Sunday, February 29, 2004

This is so exciting...I'm learning...ignore this.

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I'm playing with html...this is just to see if I've killed it yet or actually made it work...

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Things to be happy about cont.
31. Bead necklaces
32. Candy necklaces
33. Crayons
34. Coloring books
35. An empty notebook
36. Acting like 4 year olds
37. The bag-o-stuff
38. Clothing + towels out of the dryer
39. Sticky little kid kisses
40. A pen lasting longer than it should when it’s running out of ink
41. Driving
42. Holding hands
43. Leap years
44. New Years Eve
45. Little bunnies
46. Petting zoos
47. The funnies in the paper
48. Mini-roses
49. A book you read so often you know every word.
50. The sound of a tennis ball hit soundly
51. A nice lawn
52. Mix tapes
53. Lip gloss (goo)
54. Azalea bushes
55. Roosters
56. Emus/ostriches

(The bus with Ash, being a camp counselor, eating candy off your neck, Liss and Ash coming by work with coloring books when I was upset, our pen almost running out that next day and it lasting while we road tripped all over for errands, today’s a leap year—that’s so strange!, mini-roses in my garden, watching my kids play with bunnies and ducklings and sheep, and today the guy on the side of the road who may’ve escaped from the petting zoo, my favorite beloved spring plant, azaleas, a zillion hours of tennis, being with my best friends on New Years Eve at Matt’s, Ash thinking Liss hit a baby bunny, the tons of mix tapes I made over the years, Mom sending the funnies up to school for me, the empty notebook feeling, holding hands with everyone I love…)

Today we took the most fabulous road trip!!! Mich and I loaded up her car and headed out to Montauk, because we realized we’d never been there. There is NOTHING like traveling with someone you’re in sync with. We agreed entirely on when we were hungry (that’s no small feat), when to stop, when to break and take random pictures, when to drive around randomly, when to care where we were going, and when we were just going to drive and see where we ended up. It was lovely.

When we headed out it was somewhat cloudy, but as the day went on the sun came out and it got really warm. (OK, Cornell and Dartmouth, we might be exaggerating what warm is, but it felt warm to us!) We saw all these things on the way that we stopped and too pictures of on the way back: random sheep statues at the side of the road and the giant windmills that popped up on little town greens and reminded us of Don Quixote. (Extra points if your mind went where ours naturally did—the obvious next leap is to steal the sheep and pretend to joust with the windmill, right? Duh? Oh, English majors.) Stopped at a roadside deli for lunch and I got introduced to honey turkey. My sandwiches will never be the same. Then we stopped and romped on the beach for a while. It felt cold looking out at the Atlantic, that’s for sure! We saw a man flying a kite (which seems a lonely hobby without company), lots of shells and sand and footprints of people and dogs and birds. And we swung on the park swings, which remains one of the greatest pleasures in life. We then stopped as far as we could go on the island, on the tip of Montauk Point, and looked at the lighthouse commissioned by George Washington. (Another moment of clarity—it cost $6 to park, so we pulled over to take pictures, and then drove around twice. Perfect agreement on that.) We also stopped at overlooks and admired the island. There are lots of beautiful hiking trails out there…the conversation on the way back went like this.

Mich: Do you want to go hiking?
Me: No, I want to find some ice cream.
Mich: Oh good, so do I!

Alas, said ice cream never materialized because everything’s closed for the season. However, if you know what’s good you are so jealous right now, because YOU know what else is out on the end of the island. In Riverhead? Oh yes…Briermere Farm!!!! The best pie in the entire world. We didn’t have directions, so we just headed that direction, and in a navigational miracle (keep in mind who we’re talking about), we bumped into the right road and got there 15 minutes before closing!

I just ate two pieces (and by pieces I mean at least a quarter of the pie) of raspberry peach pie…which is my new favorite ever. I also bought a peach pie, an apple blackberry pie, and a bunch of pecan chocolate chip cookies.

Wow.

What a beautiful day!!!!

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“Meditation is simply about being yourself and knowing about who that is. It is about coming to realize that you are on a path whether you like it or not, namely the path that is your life.” Jon Kabat-Zinn
No more of that “serenity is accepting things you can’t change” crap. Oh no. Remember the part in Bridget Jones when she embraces inner peace? I loved that part. Especially how she can only keep it up a few days and then fails miserably. But she justifies it well, of course. ;-) Please feel free to remind me that I’m serene when I’m not feeling it at the moment!

Looked back at the Quotes of the Days and Things to be Happy About today. We were so funny! You’re all so witty and quick and amazing and smart. I love reading them!

And things to be happy about. I started that list the day I found out my dad was sick. Liss and Ash had given me two beautiful gifts that day right after the news…first, they let me cry as much as I needed to, and second, they made me chocolate chip cookies. I think that’s the best method to deal with grieving I’ve come across yet. And as the attractiveness of sitting around moping wore off an hour later, while we were making dinner and coloring, I decided that I needed a list of the things that keep me sane. They’re not all mine—some of you will recognize your own in there, some of you know which song or movie or memory a few in a row were inspired by, or which friend picked what (looking back on 80s fashion, op, Kura Barn, mental telepathy, teddy bears—you get the idea). So I think I’ll start putting them up here—and right now I only have 440, so when you think of ones to add, IM or blitz them to me, because there are a lot more things than 440 that make us happy!
Here’s our first thirty.

Chris’ List of Things to Be Happy About!

1. Catching the first lightning bug of the season.
2. Being 16 and driving with the windows down and music up.
3. The feeling when you open the dishwasher expecting it to be clean and it’s empty so you don’t have to unload it.
4. Sandals: flip flops and berks.
5. Snowdays.
6. UPS trucks
7. VW Bugs
8. Harry Potter books + Quidditch
9. Mint chocolate chip milkshakes
10. Mental telepathy
11. Cookies warm out of the oven
12. Bottled water
13. Starry nights
14. Summer
15. Sitting out in a boat
16. Baby boys
17. Paychecks
18. Teddy bears
19. Oversized sweaters belonging to a good friend
20. Bearhugs to make you feel better
21. Eating the last bite of ice cream out of the container
22. Waking up and realizing there’s time to sleep before the alarm goes off
23. Fast typing
24. Table settings
25. Cartwheels
26. Burning marshmallows
27. Movies that you know all the lines to
28. Disney songs
29. Finding money in unexpected places
30. Bead necklaces

Which reminds me…of catching that first lightning bug…screaming STOP at Liss one year, and Ash and I getting out and racing around catching them on my street…and doing it to Matt the next year…also of talking dishwashers…living in Liss’s car…playing no punch-backs hardcore with everyone…the boat and the dock…Mere and me spitting our milkshakes all over Baskin Robbins in a fit of hilarity…when Vac’s marshmallow lit on fire in Cosi and we were all laughing too hard to blow it out and he smacked it futilely against his plate…a zillion nights talking online…Con Air and the Disney movies…the water bottles always littering Liss’s floor…Ash screaming with joy at the sight of the “ups” truck…stealing your sweaters in the cold—Ash and Liss and Matt and Rich and Vac and Mere…Hakuna Matata waterskiing…Friend Like Me in Swuppernight and the talent show…and so many other beautiful things.

:-D It worked!!!

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Wednesday, February 25, 2004

Dad: Got the bill for next term’s tuition today.
Me: What’s the damage?
Dad: Oh, 10something. But you’re worth it, I guess.
Me: Wow. My brain is worth so much!
Dad: You could pour money down a rat hole, and it wouldn’t be worth anything.

“A good point, there. After all, he was the walrus. I could be the walrus. I’d still have to bum rides off people.” Random Ferris Bueller reference. It was a good point though.

My favorite quote today, from Bright, which sums me up entirely: “It’s the fact that I’m a coward, a lazy ass, and an ignoramus about life that’s the problem with my writing.” Lions and tigers and bears, oh my! Which reminds me, I started a story. And actually hit TWO pages before I stopped this time. It’s a marvelous and terrible thing, knowing your own weaknesses. Almost none of the people who send queries who I write rejection letters back to know their weaknesses. Like, not being able to write a coherent sentence is a weakness, and having a plot that is identical to every book you’ve ever read is a weakness. Is it self-awareness? Ludlum and Danielle Steel are millionaires, and I would have laughed so hard at either of them. Lol. “Psh, you plan to make an empire out of writing the same book over and over? Good luck.”

I wrote rejection letters to my friends today. I was bored and it seemed a solid use of a few pages of office letterhead. Since I’m working for free, it seemed a good trade. I rejected Bright’s “Romancing Profesor Bertie,” purposeful misspelling and all, and followed that by rejecting Brian’s “The Other Shoe Inverse Happiness Quotient: A Statistical Analytic Approach to the Question of Why Relationships Seem to Fail” and “The Decline of Western Culture in the Post-Industrial Age and Other Things I Pretend to Know Something About.” I was amused. So were the fish. (Nemo is still upset at Mich for not watching his movie, but told me to rectify it ASAP.) I love those fish. One of the orange ones got eaten by his brethren today though. Sucks.

Ten to eleven…about time to go.

My conductor was back today, so no getting woken up. Yay. Just makes you wonder how many people notice you that you don’t have a clue about, doesn’t it? And I made friends with all the messengers who came to the office today…and got a few “God bless yous” for good measure without sneezing. (Maybe helped because it was Dirt Day—credit to Jags for that.) I do love New York. This morning walking from the subway I watched a taping of one of the Law&Order spinoffs-I forget which one, but I was pleased! Fire in the building next door, which is slightly scary…8 flights is a lot if the building’s burning! I’m back to running, and my breathing is good, but old injuries are twitching at me. The feet, the knees, the rib—so frustrating.

I miss Sex and the City already. I’m glad they are all settled and happy, but really, they were the single woman’s beacon of hope. “Maybe we can be each other’s soulmates.” So true.

Question of the day, credit Bright again: “What have you done artistically that you’re proud of?”

Night…dream sweet.

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Tuesday, February 24, 2004

#8
Chris Cam: Today’s three most priceless moments.
1) On the train this morning, the usual conductor was not there. This one made the mistake of trying to wake me up after Jamaica to check my ticket, even though he damn well knew I’d been sitting there for forty minutes. He made his attempt as I was mid-dream. Bold call! I opened one baleful eye and just stared at him. I think it was a good thirty seconds before he realized I wasn’t going to open the other one, but I was still mostly asleep and couldn’t even figure out WHY HE WAS STARING AT ME. And when I did, I didn’t care enough.
2) Ah, my phone phobia. Well, I had to call all over the city to find Mr. Boss his favorite shampoo. Well, he got 10 things…assorted shampoos and conditioners…and it was $300! Is that REALLY necessary for a grown fat man? And I had to call a zillion different salons b/c they were ALL out of Marine Shampoo. High demand, apparently.
3) And the winner is…”I have a job for you,” Mike says. “It’s a little weird, so you don’t have to do it if you don’t want…” The pause hangs. “It’s ok!” I say, the perky intern to the end. “I need you to call this woman” (Hell, but ok, I am strong) “and see if she wants to order any books.” Ok…”This guy’s books are going out of print, and he’s dead, and this is his ex-wife, but she has their daughter, so she may want some.” Shiiiit. So I make the call. Mike stands there behind the fish tank, pretending to watch them, until he can’t stand it anymore and just stands next to me, shifting nervously from foot to foot. I get her secretary, get her, do the spiel. Long pause. “Um…you do know who I am, right?” There’s no mistaking it. Heavily laden with pain, either from divorce or death or both I don’t know, but she’s upset and I don’t know what to do. “Yes,” I say miserably. “His ex wife…” she says. More of the pause, still dripping with hurt. “Ok. Well…I guess I’ll buy 10.” Thank goodness for that; at least it wasn’t for nothing.
If EVER there was a REALLY good reason for me being afraid to call people…that was it. I ended blushing and sweating and Mike at least had the goodness to apologize for making me do it, especially since he was listening to the interaction. Then he said, “I guess we should call his mother too…don’t worry, I’ll do that one.” Gaaaaaah.

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Thursday, February 19, 2004

Wed/Thur’s Thank You List:
Thank you to the E conductor who pulls into Penn at 9:30 for being full of energy and sounding happy to be there every morning.
Thanks for everyone who kept me company at work today: Jags, Vac, Bright, Dan, Chris, Mich, Daddy, and Drew.
Thanks to my earache for making me go home early and letting me get to see the sunset over the Causeway.
Thanks to the fish who keep me company every day for never getting boring.
Thank you to Elizabeth Berg, who wrote the book that I read on the train, for making me think about the woman I want to be, and the man I want, and thanks to Miss and Mere for being people who‘d want to read it too.
Thanks to my parents for working so hard and letting me live in the most beautiful place in the world.
Thanks to my mom for calling today just to say hi, and for teaching me to back up into the garage like an asskicker.
Thanks, Dad, for being the only one brave enough to eat my Easybake Oven brownies all those years ago.
Vac, thanks for you must needs to know. And for calling all the time, and talking about anything, which always ends up being the opposite sex.
Thanks to my orange haired, green-eyed, strong, sweet, smart, lithe, Tiger in bed lover who falls asleep with me every night, loves me unconditionally, and purrrrrrrrs.
Thanks to the dog for the same unconditional love with none of the intelligence.
Thanks to all my Valentines!
Thanks, Missa, for letting me stay with you and being such a wonderful friend.
Thank you, Care, for sleeping with me when we’ve had bad days and knowing that I’d much rather lose an hour of sleep than have you cry on your own.
And thanks for becoming an almost-adult who I’m so proud of--spunky, smart, sweet, generous, and for always having my back.
Thanks to Jags for teaching me that it’s ok to say ANYTHING to your friends, and the most important thing is being comfortable with yourself, and for giving me the best vibrator story in the world.
Thanks to Bri for giving me a cookbook, being someone who truly understands incompetence, and for being such a good sport. Also to Bri’s fam for the hospitality.
Thanks to the man who ran after me and gave me back $11 that had fallen out of my pocket! (Whoever says New York or people in general are bad is dead wrong.)
Also thanks to the guy who ran after me after my glove fell out of my pocket two weeks ago! (New moral: I need deeper pockets.)
Thanks to kids for not letting me take myself too seriously.
Thanks to Ayano-san for talking to me in Japanese and not minding that my conversation half is in English.
Thanks to Bright for being an inspiration! You make me cook, study, learn, run, take photos, and remind me why I’m so glad I joined Theta.
Speaking of, thanks to Theta for having a party this week, and for all the people who played pong with me, chatted, were supportive about the net shirt, and then went DANCING!
Thanks to Dad for taking me to Kura Barn.
Haagen-Dazs, thanks for making the Mint Chip Dazzler.
Thanks to hot baths and bubbles. (JOY!) (“You’re a person, not a pot.” Thanks Mich.)
Thanks to my treadmill for making running a possibility in the winter.
Thanks to my awesome running mix for pushing me. (Get This Party Started, What I Like About You, and Bootylicious start it up.)
Thanks to my waterbed for being the best.
Thanks to the pretty blond conductor who smiles, wishes me good morning, and doesn’t wake me up to check my ticket again. (I snored on the train this morning…)
Thanks to Ben…for being a very random friend for a long time…I can’t believe how many years it’s been!
Thanks to American Idol, for giving me something to get pumped for, and for voting Matt into the finals.
Thanks, Mich, for making fun of me for watching American Idol and for being home and keeping me company and being awesome!
Thanks to Sex and the City for helping us talk openly about dating and sexuality. (Nothing, but nothing, is off limits anymore.)
Thanks to Jags and Missa for cucumbers!
And Missa for the warm blanket I’m under right now.
And all of you for everything. This list could go on for years and years. I love you!

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Friday, February 06, 2004

I feel so wonderful.
I’ve worked out almost every day for the last few weeks, and it’s starting to show. Definition in arm, ab, and leg muscles, I’m almost able to touch my toes, and my body feels terrific. Today I stretched and crunched for a long time, ran a mile and stretched some more. I love how aware I am of every muscle after pushing myself. I feel where everything connects, feel the muscles in my abs and back and shoulders and legs and butt and arms as individuals. Mmm. I’m also trying to drink more water and grape juice and eat less crap. Which means eating everything I want (let’s be honest), but trying to portion the ice cream and dark chocolate slightly smaller.
Mich is coming over to cook me chicken piccata and mushrooms. Mich is smart, random, witty, and is a lot of fun to have a conversation with, even if she does make fun of me for watching American Idol…as an artsy English major who loves reading, good conversations, dancing, being slightly sarcastic, and eating lots of ice cream…well, it’s obvious that she and I should have been best friends for a long time. (Apparently I talked in dance class when we were two, to Kristen…and pissed her off. Note who’s the excellent ballet dancer and who just likes to shake it?) So I’ll have great company no matter what, more than likely good food (at any rate, better than whatever I would have made myself), and am feeling pretty good about this Friday evening.
Also, sent in a Campus Cupid profile. As aware as I am of the impossibility of picking out one person who also picks me out of the 115 male profiles and god knows how many female profiles, reading them is so much fun. Everyone is so interesting! And funny…props to the males who specified that they want a girl “who orders steak AND dessert,” “a woman who does not order a salad when I take her out to dinner,” the guy who eats dessert before the meal, and anyone who put down The Lion King, Good Will Hunting, or Breakfast Club as his most watched movie. It was really very interesting, and although I’m pretty sure my soulmate didn’t apply this go-around, it’s way too much fun to at least pretend.
So I’ve got a job, I’m getting in shape, I’m keeping in great touch with a lot of my wonderful friends, reading a lot, have four days in a row off, have gotten to visit Dartmouth twice and stay with Missa…life is good.

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Ah…and the ChrisCam gets its first true use. The “ChrisCam” is originally the name my friends and I gave to the little camera that God must have focused on me around the clock to amuse himself. Odd things, funny things, just tend to happen when I’m around…

Tuesday there was a witch in the office.

You will all know, by now, that I am not exaggerating; however, you might even doubt this one. Walk in on Tuesday and find out Dorothy, who hired and loved me and wanted to sing my praises and get me a job, had been fired Friday. This sucks quite a lot. The office is in shambles, there’s a temp in, David’s brother’s girlfriend is here to “help,” and no one knows who anyone is, what’s supposed to be going on, or how to run the office without Dorothy. So things are already very strange.
Liz (David’s bro’s gf) is at the desk next to mine. I watch out of the corner of my eye as she starts pulling an odd assortment of things out of her bag and placing them on the desk. Looks like candles, vials of different colored liquids, some sort of salt…I am confused, observant, and quiet. David calls, and asks her to wait until he gets back for the ceremony. (Ceremony?) She hangs up, sighs exaggeratedly, and says, “The goddess is going to be so mad at me.” (Exact quote, really.) Cutting my eyes sideways, I discern that she is indeed talking to me, and I do indeed have to respond.

“Oh? What for?” I manage to come up with.

“She’ll just get really really mad if I take all this stuff out and don’t use it. I don’t want to piss her off. I think I’ll go purify David’s office, and then we can do the rest of the office later.”

“Oh…What kind of ceremony are you doing?” I ask tentatively.

“We’re bringing good things and energy and vibes into the office with this one, and then when the moon wanes we’ll do another one to send out the bad things.”

“Oh.” Obviously. We don’t want bad things, that’s for sure.

She pads off in her stockings, lighting incense and taking her collection of things into David’s office. After another hour of hearing about how she and David are such good friends because they’re both Gemini, and how she missed a doctor’s appointment because she must have made it when the moon was void (is there a polite way to answer when someone hugely flakey says, “Oh dear, I’m such a flake”?), about her job as an expert in terrorism and how she can find anyone on earth in five minutes with the right database, I truly believe I am in the twilight zone. I become sure that I’m also on Candid Camera soon after.

Liz smiles brightly at me. “I’m a witch!” she says. I smile just as brightly back. “Oh.” I am saying “Oh” a lot today. I focus again on the computer.

“No, really! I am!”

“Oh! That’s nice.”

The incense made me sneeze, and the sneezing continued far into the evening. (Side note: I should market my sneeze as a space creater. It’s really amazing what happens when my sneeze echoes through Penn or the subway…all of a sudden people realize how much MORE they can squish away from me.) She took herself far too seriously for me to be allowed to laugh. I tried very hard to be attentive, but I can’t fake knowing about or being interested in signs, the moon controlling everything in the world, and other random witchy subjects. Today she even followed me to the bathroom to continue chatting, where I was attempting a brief escape. Now, she is a VERY nice witch. She’s sweet, does no work whatsoever, talks to me and herself more than necessary, but she’s just fine. Thank god she’s not an evil witch…THEN we’d have issues.

None of this is made up, and it’s much funnier when you can hear the voice too. Oh. My. God.

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Tuesday, February 03, 2004

Bright: AGGGHHH ENOUGH WITH THE TEAT
Me: honestly!!! it's just a boob!!!
b: apparently the fcc has never seen a nipple before
b: how sad for them

It's a breast. We all ate from one. Stop it, really.
"But the FCC won't let me be or let me be me so let me see..." Eminem

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Monday, February 02, 2004

Now, Brightski my love, I believe the following assertion will not surprise you at all: Rand is one of the greatest romantics I know of. (In response to: Christine, you are such a romantic at heart that I find it hard to believe that you're a Randoid. ;0)
“She thought: To find a feeling that would hold, as their sum, as their final expression, the purpose of all the things she loved on earth…To find a consciousness like her own, who would be the meaning of her world, as she would be of his…A man who existed only in her knowledge of her capacity for an emotion she had never felt, but would have given her life to experience…” Atlas Shrugged, Ayn Rand

It is true that Rand advocated selfishness; however, her definition of selfishness is not the one mainstreamed in society. “Selfishness entails: a) a hierarchy of values set by the standard of one’s self-interest, and b) the refusal to sacrifice a higher value to a lower one or a nonvalue” (“Isn’t Everyone Selfish?” Nathaniel Branden). To connect this back to the romance you mentioned: “To make this principle fully clear, let us consider an extreme example of an action which, in fact, is selfish, but which conventionally might be called self-sacrificial: a man’s willingness to die to save the life of the woman he loves…If a man loves a woman so much that he does not wish to survive her death, if life can have nothing more to offer him at that price, then his dying to save her is not a sacrifice. The same principle applies to a man, caught in a dictatorship, who willingly risks death to achieve freedom. To call his act a “self-sacrifice,” one would have to assume that he preferred to live as a slave” (“Isn’t Everyone Selfish?” Nathaniel Branden). Rand’s definitions run contrary to society’s on many fronts, so reading the summary can leave you with a mistaken picture of her beliefs. But her belief in love that special and perfect is present in all her work.
I hope to eventually taunt you into reading the books so you can argue with me, but I’ll bide my time. :-) But at the center of each is a proud, strong woman who meets her match: intellectually, physically, and emotionally. And knowing your penchant for romance, my dear, I will swear that the romance is far hotter than any of the terrible books next to the fireplace in Ireland. It’s not sappy mystery…it’s the deeply intense union of two people in all the ways there are: the emotional connection makes the physical and intellectual better, the intellectual equality creates the playing field for emotional and physical joining, and the physical is so magnificently steamy because the emotional and intellectual exist.
Yes, dearheart, I am a romantic through and through, and Rand only helps me to believe that Mr. Right might be out there!
Kisses,
Chris

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