Friday, February 06, 2004
Ah…and the ChrisCam gets its first true use. The “ChrisCam” is originally the name my friends and I gave to the little camera that God must have focused on me around the clock to amuse himself. Odd things, funny things, just tend to happen when I’m around…
Tuesday there was a witch in the office.
You will all know, by now, that I am not exaggerating; however, you might even doubt this one. Walk in on Tuesday and find out Dorothy, who hired and loved me and wanted to sing my praises and get me a job, had been fired Friday. This sucks quite a lot. The office is in shambles, there’s a temp in, David’s brother’s girlfriend is here to “help,” and no one knows who anyone is, what’s supposed to be going on, or how to run the office without Dorothy. So things are already very strange.
Liz (David’s bro’s gf) is at the desk next to mine. I watch out of the corner of my eye as she starts pulling an odd assortment of things out of her bag and placing them on the desk. Looks like candles, vials of different colored liquids, some sort of salt…I am confused, observant, and quiet. David calls, and asks her to wait until he gets back for the ceremony. (Ceremony?) She hangs up, sighs exaggeratedly, and says, “The goddess is going to be so mad at me.” (Exact quote, really.) Cutting my eyes sideways, I discern that she is indeed talking to me, and I do indeed have to respond.
“Oh? What for?” I manage to come up with.
“She’ll just get really really mad if I take all this stuff out and don’t use it. I don’t want to piss her off. I think I’ll go purify David’s office, and then we can do the rest of the office later.”
“Oh…What kind of ceremony are you doing?” I ask tentatively.
“We’re bringing good things and energy and vibes into the office with this one, and then when the moon wanes we’ll do another one to send out the bad things.”
“Oh.” Obviously. We don’t want bad things, that’s for sure.
She pads off in her stockings, lighting incense and taking her collection of things into David’s office. After another hour of hearing about how she and David are such good friends because they’re both Gemini, and how she missed a doctor’s appointment because she must have made it when the moon was void (is there a polite way to answer when someone hugely flakey says, “Oh dear, I’m such a flake”?), about her job as an expert in terrorism and how she can find anyone on earth in five minutes with the right database, I truly believe I am in the twilight zone. I become sure that I’m also on Candid Camera soon after.
Liz smiles brightly at me. “I’m a witch!” she says. I smile just as brightly back. “Oh.” I am saying “Oh” a lot today. I focus again on the computer.
“No, really! I am!”
“Oh! That’s nice.”
The incense made me sneeze, and the sneezing continued far into the evening. (Side note: I should market my sneeze as a space creater. It’s really amazing what happens when my sneeze echoes through Penn or the subway…all of a sudden people realize how much MORE they can squish away from me.) She took herself far too seriously for me to be allowed to laugh. I tried very hard to be attentive, but I can’t fake knowing about or being interested in signs, the moon controlling everything in the world, and other random witchy subjects. Today she even followed me to the bathroom to continue chatting, where I was attempting a brief escape. Now, she is a VERY nice witch. She’s sweet, does no work whatsoever, talks to me and herself more than necessary, but she’s just fine. Thank god she’s not an evil witch…THEN we’d have issues.
None of this is made up, and it’s much funnier when you can hear the voice too. Oh. My. God.
|
Tuesday there was a witch in the office.
You will all know, by now, that I am not exaggerating; however, you might even doubt this one. Walk in on Tuesday and find out Dorothy, who hired and loved me and wanted to sing my praises and get me a job, had been fired Friday. This sucks quite a lot. The office is in shambles, there’s a temp in, David’s brother’s girlfriend is here to “help,” and no one knows who anyone is, what’s supposed to be going on, or how to run the office without Dorothy. So things are already very strange.
Liz (David’s bro’s gf) is at the desk next to mine. I watch out of the corner of my eye as she starts pulling an odd assortment of things out of her bag and placing them on the desk. Looks like candles, vials of different colored liquids, some sort of salt…I am confused, observant, and quiet. David calls, and asks her to wait until he gets back for the ceremony. (Ceremony?) She hangs up, sighs exaggeratedly, and says, “The goddess is going to be so mad at me.” (Exact quote, really.) Cutting my eyes sideways, I discern that she is indeed talking to me, and I do indeed have to respond.
“Oh? What for?” I manage to come up with.
“She’ll just get really really mad if I take all this stuff out and don’t use it. I don’t want to piss her off. I think I’ll go purify David’s office, and then we can do the rest of the office later.”
“Oh…What kind of ceremony are you doing?” I ask tentatively.
“We’re bringing good things and energy and vibes into the office with this one, and then when the moon wanes we’ll do another one to send out the bad things.”
“Oh.” Obviously. We don’t want bad things, that’s for sure.
She pads off in her stockings, lighting incense and taking her collection of things into David’s office. After another hour of hearing about how she and David are such good friends because they’re both Gemini, and how she missed a doctor’s appointment because she must have made it when the moon was void (is there a polite way to answer when someone hugely flakey says, “Oh dear, I’m such a flake”?), about her job as an expert in terrorism and how she can find anyone on earth in five minutes with the right database, I truly believe I am in the twilight zone. I become sure that I’m also on Candid Camera soon after.
Liz smiles brightly at me. “I’m a witch!” she says. I smile just as brightly back. “Oh.” I am saying “Oh” a lot today. I focus again on the computer.
“No, really! I am!”
“Oh! That’s nice.”
The incense made me sneeze, and the sneezing continued far into the evening. (Side note: I should market my sneeze as a space creater. It’s really amazing what happens when my sneeze echoes through Penn or the subway…all of a sudden people realize how much MORE they can squish away from me.) She took herself far too seriously for me to be allowed to laugh. I tried very hard to be attentive, but I can’t fake knowing about or being interested in signs, the moon controlling everything in the world, and other random witchy subjects. Today she even followed me to the bathroom to continue chatting, where I was attempting a brief escape. Now, she is a VERY nice witch. She’s sweet, does no work whatsoever, talks to me and herself more than necessary, but she’s just fine. Thank god she’s not an evil witch…THEN we’d have issues.
None of this is made up, and it’s much funnier when you can hear the voice too. Oh. My. God.
