Tuesday, February 24, 2004
#8
Chris Cam: Today’s three most priceless moments.
1) On the train this morning, the usual conductor was not there. This one made the mistake of trying to wake me up after Jamaica to check my ticket, even though he damn well knew I’d been sitting there for forty minutes. He made his attempt as I was mid-dream. Bold call! I opened one baleful eye and just stared at him. I think it was a good thirty seconds before he realized I wasn’t going to open the other one, but I was still mostly asleep and couldn’t even figure out WHY HE WAS STARING AT ME. And when I did, I didn’t care enough.
2) Ah, my phone phobia. Well, I had to call all over the city to find Mr. Boss his favorite shampoo. Well, he got 10 things…assorted shampoos and conditioners…and it was $300! Is that REALLY necessary for a grown fat man? And I had to call a zillion different salons b/c they were ALL out of Marine Shampoo. High demand, apparently.
3) And the winner is…”I have a job for you,” Mike says. “It’s a little weird, so you don’t have to do it if you don’t want…” The pause hangs. “It’s ok!” I say, the perky intern to the end. “I need you to call this woman” (Hell, but ok, I am strong) “and see if she wants to order any books.” Ok…”This guy’s books are going out of print, and he’s dead, and this is his ex-wife, but she has their daughter, so she may want some.” Shiiiit. So I make the call. Mike stands there behind the fish tank, pretending to watch them, until he can’t stand it anymore and just stands next to me, shifting nervously from foot to foot. I get her secretary, get her, do the spiel. Long pause. “Um…you do know who I am, right?” There’s no mistaking it. Heavily laden with pain, either from divorce or death or both I don’t know, but she’s upset and I don’t know what to do. “Yes,” I say miserably. “His ex wife…” she says. More of the pause, still dripping with hurt. “Ok. Well…I guess I’ll buy 10.” Thank goodness for that; at least it wasn’t for nothing.
If EVER there was a REALLY good reason for me being afraid to call people…that was it. I ended blushing and sweating and Mike at least had the goodness to apologize for making me do it, especially since he was listening to the interaction. Then he said, “I guess we should call his mother too…don’t worry, I’ll do that one.” Gaaaaaah.
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Chris Cam: Today’s three most priceless moments.
1) On the train this morning, the usual conductor was not there. This one made the mistake of trying to wake me up after Jamaica to check my ticket, even though he damn well knew I’d been sitting there for forty minutes. He made his attempt as I was mid-dream. Bold call! I opened one baleful eye and just stared at him. I think it was a good thirty seconds before he realized I wasn’t going to open the other one, but I was still mostly asleep and couldn’t even figure out WHY HE WAS STARING AT ME. And when I did, I didn’t care enough.
2) Ah, my phone phobia. Well, I had to call all over the city to find Mr. Boss his favorite shampoo. Well, he got 10 things…assorted shampoos and conditioners…and it was $300! Is that REALLY necessary for a grown fat man? And I had to call a zillion different salons b/c they were ALL out of Marine Shampoo. High demand, apparently.
3) And the winner is…”I have a job for you,” Mike says. “It’s a little weird, so you don’t have to do it if you don’t want…” The pause hangs. “It’s ok!” I say, the perky intern to the end. “I need you to call this woman” (Hell, but ok, I am strong) “and see if she wants to order any books.” Ok…”This guy’s books are going out of print, and he’s dead, and this is his ex-wife, but she has their daughter, so she may want some.” Shiiiit. So I make the call. Mike stands there behind the fish tank, pretending to watch them, until he can’t stand it anymore and just stands next to me, shifting nervously from foot to foot. I get her secretary, get her, do the spiel. Long pause. “Um…you do know who I am, right?” There’s no mistaking it. Heavily laden with pain, either from divorce or death or both I don’t know, but she’s upset and I don’t know what to do. “Yes,” I say miserably. “His ex wife…” she says. More of the pause, still dripping with hurt. “Ok. Well…I guess I’ll buy 10.” Thank goodness for that; at least it wasn’t for nothing.
If EVER there was a REALLY good reason for me being afraid to call people…that was it. I ended blushing and sweating and Mike at least had the goodness to apologize for making me do it, especially since he was listening to the interaction. Then he said, “I guess we should call his mother too…don’t worry, I’ll do that one.” Gaaaaaah.
