Monday, July 26, 2004
This post written by my good friend Brian, who has yet to start his own blog. I requested an article, and here it is:
The "other shoe" theory- A theory pertaining to relationships and their inevitable demise. The theory is sometimes more colloquially expressed by phrases such as, "Why things always get fucked up." The "other shoe" theory is a particularization of a more general principle, the "if something seems too good to be true, it generally is" principle, as it is applied to relationships. The implication is that when one is in a romantic relationship that is going well and which is progressing more smoothly than one can reasonably expect, something will invariably arise (most often a heretofore unforseen problem regarding the person with whom one is romantically attached) to sabotage the previously blossoming relationship. This "problem" is the dreaded "other shoe". The problem frequently takes the form of a hidden, and fatal, flaw in the romantic partner, though it is important to note that it need not necessarily be construed as a flaw by any reasonable impartial observer. All that is essential is that one perceives there to be a flaw in his or her significant other, and that said flaw is sufficiently grave as to "doom" the relationship.
The "other shoe" theory is of course intimately connected in origin to the phrase, "waiting for the other shoe to drop." This phrase is generally understood to mean "to await an event causally linked to one that one has already observed" or more simply "to end the suspense." The phrase is claimed (possibly apocryphally) to derive from the following joke, dating from the early twentieth century:
"A guest who checked into an inn one night was warned to be quiet because the guest in the room next to his was a light sleeper. As he undressed for bed, he dropped one shoe, which, sure enough, awakened the other guest. He managed to get the other shoe off in silence, and got into bed. An hour later, he heard a pounding on the wall and a shout: "When are you going to drop the other shoe?"
This joke, while not particularly funny, nicely illustrates an important aspect of the "other shoe" theory: the air of inevitability. Having heard the first shoe hit, the man knows that a second shoe must surely follow that will make a similarly disruptive noise. He does not know when this other shoe will drop, but he knows quite certainly that it will in fact drop, and becomes impatient and distressed when he has yet to hear it. Likewise with relationships. One does not know at what moment the other shoe will drop in a relationship, but the fact that it will drop at some point is not in doubt. The potential shoe hangs over one like an axe, destined to come swinging down to cut the ties of the previously successful relationship. We dread the other shoe, knowing that it can be dropped at any point, and that it will render impossible a relationship to which we had become so attached.
An important corollary to the "other shoe" theory concerns the direct relationship between the degree and rapidity of success in a relationship and the emergence of the other shoe. Put in simple terms, when a relationship is going especially well especially quickly, the other shoe emerges at a corresponding speed and with a corresponding severity. Thus, if one becomes romantically attached and finds him or herself unbelievably happy with how the relationship is proceeding and amazed at the ease with which he or she is connecting with the new significant other, one should be especially wary of the other shoe dropping, as it cannot be far away and its effect will often be devastating. In fact, in these instances it becomes appropriate to say that the other was "thrown" rather than dropped as a result of its severity and quick emergence. An example illustrates this point well. Suppose that a woman meets a man who is very attractive, interesting, caring, thoughtful, seemingly intelligent, and on top of everything else, is someone with whom it appears she shares much in common. They develop an instant rapport, and she quickly finds herself falling for the man and thinking she would be very happy to be with him for a long time. Then as the relationship reaches a point where it is about to become physical, the woman learns this about the man: he is in a religious cult which forbids him from touching someone of the opposite sex who is not also in that cult. To continue dating the man, she needs to either join his religious cult or accept a relationship in which there is no touching. The other shoe has effectively been thrown.
There are of course many different manifestations of the "other shoe." Acclaimed columnist Bill Simmons articulates one way of understanding the "other shoe" that relates to women and their generally high levels of insanity. Simmons writes:
"Back in my single days, my buddy Joe House and I developed "The Other Shoe" theory, which centers around the premise that "All women should be considered crazy until proven otherwise." Whenever one of us started hanging out with somebody, the other would always ask, "Did the other shoe drop yet?" In other words, did the new girl have any visible baggage? Was she hiding a trait that could potentially submarine the entire relationship? Was she way too close to her family? Was she secretly nuts? You'd be amazed how many times the other shoe ended up dropping."
This is of course a rather narrow instantiation of the "other shoe" theory, since anyone with even casual experience with shoes knows they are not restricted to one gender. Furthermore, insanity, while a particularly popular shoe, is by no means exhaustive of shoe types. Shoes can come in the form of extreme selfishness, pathological pretentiousness, or Catholicism. Simmons, however, captures the spirit of the theory. The vast majority of people one is interested in dating have shoes, so until proven otherwise, when dating someone, expect the other shoe to drop.
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The "other shoe" theory- A theory pertaining to relationships and their inevitable demise. The theory is sometimes more colloquially expressed by phrases such as, "Why things always get fucked up." The "other shoe" theory is a particularization of a more general principle, the "if something seems too good to be true, it generally is" principle, as it is applied to relationships. The implication is that when one is in a romantic relationship that is going well and which is progressing more smoothly than one can reasonably expect, something will invariably arise (most often a heretofore unforseen problem regarding the person with whom one is romantically attached) to sabotage the previously blossoming relationship. This "problem" is the dreaded "other shoe". The problem frequently takes the form of a hidden, and fatal, flaw in the romantic partner, though it is important to note that it need not necessarily be construed as a flaw by any reasonable impartial observer. All that is essential is that one perceives there to be a flaw in his or her significant other, and that said flaw is sufficiently grave as to "doom" the relationship.
The "other shoe" theory is of course intimately connected in origin to the phrase, "waiting for the other shoe to drop." This phrase is generally understood to mean "to await an event causally linked to one that one has already observed" or more simply "to end the suspense." The phrase is claimed (possibly apocryphally) to derive from the following joke, dating from the early twentieth century:
"A guest who checked into an inn one night was warned to be quiet because the guest in the room next to his was a light sleeper. As he undressed for bed, he dropped one shoe, which, sure enough, awakened the other guest. He managed to get the other shoe off in silence, and got into bed. An hour later, he heard a pounding on the wall and a shout: "When are you going to drop the other shoe?"
This joke, while not particularly funny, nicely illustrates an important aspect of the "other shoe" theory: the air of inevitability. Having heard the first shoe hit, the man knows that a second shoe must surely follow that will make a similarly disruptive noise. He does not know when this other shoe will drop, but he knows quite certainly that it will in fact drop, and becomes impatient and distressed when he has yet to hear it. Likewise with relationships. One does not know at what moment the other shoe will drop in a relationship, but the fact that it will drop at some point is not in doubt. The potential shoe hangs over one like an axe, destined to come swinging down to cut the ties of the previously successful relationship. We dread the other shoe, knowing that it can be dropped at any point, and that it will render impossible a relationship to which we had become so attached.
An important corollary to the "other shoe" theory concerns the direct relationship between the degree and rapidity of success in a relationship and the emergence of the other shoe. Put in simple terms, when a relationship is going especially well especially quickly, the other shoe emerges at a corresponding speed and with a corresponding severity. Thus, if one becomes romantically attached and finds him or herself unbelievably happy with how the relationship is proceeding and amazed at the ease with which he or she is connecting with the new significant other, one should be especially wary of the other shoe dropping, as it cannot be far away and its effect will often be devastating. In fact, in these instances it becomes appropriate to say that the other was "thrown" rather than dropped as a result of its severity and quick emergence. An example illustrates this point well. Suppose that a woman meets a man who is very attractive, interesting, caring, thoughtful, seemingly intelligent, and on top of everything else, is someone with whom it appears she shares much in common. They develop an instant rapport, and she quickly finds herself falling for the man and thinking she would be very happy to be with him for a long time. Then as the relationship reaches a point where it is about to become physical, the woman learns this about the man: he is in a religious cult which forbids him from touching someone of the opposite sex who is not also in that cult. To continue dating the man, she needs to either join his religious cult or accept a relationship in which there is no touching. The other shoe has effectively been thrown.
There are of course many different manifestations of the "other shoe." Acclaimed columnist Bill Simmons articulates one way of understanding the "other shoe" that relates to women and their generally high levels of insanity. Simmons writes:
"Back in my single days, my buddy Joe House and I developed "The Other Shoe" theory, which centers around the premise that "All women should be considered crazy until proven otherwise." Whenever one of us started hanging out with somebody, the other would always ask, "Did the other shoe drop yet?" In other words, did the new girl have any visible baggage? Was she hiding a trait that could potentially submarine the entire relationship? Was she way too close to her family? Was she secretly nuts? You'd be amazed how many times the other shoe ended up dropping."
This is of course a rather narrow instantiation of the "other shoe" theory, since anyone with even casual experience with shoes knows they are not restricted to one gender. Furthermore, insanity, while a particularly popular shoe, is by no means exhaustive of shoe types. Shoes can come in the form of extreme selfishness, pathological pretentiousness, or Catholicism. Simmons, however, captures the spirit of the theory. The vast majority of people one is interested in dating have shoes, so until proven otherwise, when dating someone, expect the other shoe to drop.
